Of course, there are features of childbirth and child-rearing in France that are vastly superior to practices in the United States. Druckerman writes that вЂњFrenchwomen spend 89 percent more time than men doing household work and looking after children,вЂќ while American women spend вЂњ31 percent more time than men on household activities and 25 percent more time on child care.вЂќ вЂњFifty-fifty equality just isnвЂ™t the gold standard for the Parisian women I know,вЂќ she writes. When it comes to the division of labor between the sexes, American women have it better than their French sisters. (Druckerman writes that she has witnessed a spanking in public only вЂњa few times.вЂќ) More than 80 percent of French parents, according to polls over the last decade, slap or spank their children from time to time. One way French parents try to keep their children in line is with an occasional whack on the side of the head, the arm or the bottom. For the most part, except when toddlers are just learning to walk, French parents park themselves on the perimeter of the playground or the sandbox and chat with one another.вЂќ But what if climbing jungle gyms and seesawing are activities that make a parent feel like a kid again? And what happens - as it often does - when you canвЂ™t wrest the grown-ups from their chatting to stop the children in their care from kicking and hitting yours? (I have an American friend who discovered her firstborn was being secretly bottle-fed in the hospital, against her wishes.)Дruckerman praises French parents and nannies for leaving children to play on their own in playgrounds and parks: вЂњIвЂ™ve never seen a French mother climb a jungle gym, go down a slide with her child or sit on a seesaw. Some mothers reject breast-feeding to ensure their partners participate in the feeding ritual, others because it has a вЂњpeasant image.вЂќ Some expatriates describe вЂњhorror stories,вЂќ Druckerman writes, in which doctors have discouraged the practice. Getting back your sexy, pre-pregnancy self is a priority.Дruckerman states that French mothers вЂњbarely breast-feed,вЂќ confident that artificial milk is just as good.

Rearranging your schedule to fit the babyвЂ™s is a no-no. For mothers, so is refusing to make child-rearing an all-consuming vocation. Strict rules and controlling oneвЂ™s emotions, it seems, are important components of a childвЂ™s life in France. ThereвЂ™s no reason to apologize for that.вЂќ She relates the story of how she cradled her baby daughter, Bean, for her first inoculations in a French doctorвЂ™s office, apologizing to her for the pain she was about to experience. I thought of that experience while reading Pamela DruckermanвЂ™s book on the вЂњwisdomвЂќ of French parenthood. вЂњHeвЂ™s a little boy and youвЂ™re a big girl, and heвЂ™s not crying,вЂќ she said. The doctor pointed to a boy of about 4 lying on a gurney close by. She manipulated and twisted GabrielaвЂ™s right arm with such intensity that my daughter - a gut-it-out player who didnвЂ™t cry easily - could not hold back the tears.

The attending doctor was young and efficient. SheвЂ™d arrived home from a school soccer match in Brussels with what looked like a broken wrist. One of my most vivid memories as an American mother living in France is of bringing my younger daughter, Gabriela, to a hospital emergency room on a Saturday night.

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